The Foreign Service Journal, May 2016

the Foreign Service journal | may 2016 25 I honestly never had a bad job, and I enjoyed a truly wonderful set of supervisors, mentors and role models from the very beginning of my career. They inspired me and showed me what success looks like. They led from the heart and were personable. They revealed themselves and were approachable. Still, as I approached the age of 50, I realized there were basic things about the career that I was ready to say ‘no’ to. Things like moving. And bidding (it gets harder, not easier). And stress- inducing difficult conversations (necessary, and frequent, when you manage many employees). To be a successful senior FSO and leader, I think one must be able to embrace all three of these realities with energy, eagerness, optimism and drive. Instead, I found myself wiped out at times from the huge highs and lows of the experience. So as age 50 loomed on the horizon, I parsed through my last few assignments to assess what I was still willing to say ‘yes’ to. What I most enjoyed. The answers came easily: mentoring, coaching and teaching, and working with and learning about people from all backgrounds. I wanted to walk away from (i.e., say ‘no’ to) the aspects of the bureaucracy that I felt got in the way of good work. I saw too many decisions being taken by peers and senior leaders that were fundamentally different from the decisions I thought I would make in their roles. Too often, I saw bureau- cratic timidity when bold, brave and heart-cen- tered decision-making was essential. Finding the Dream Perhaps I could be helpful and add more value if I reimagined and redesigned myself. Could I use my experience, my network and my love for the State Department and its people to train and coach the next generation of leaders? Howmight I help people listen to their hearts, pursue their passions and lead fromwhere they are? Around Christmas 2010, I made my final decision to retire. I actually realized it was final when the struggle in my mind was over how to draft the emails to bosses and mentors about the decision rather than mulling over the decision itself. Yes, I wor- ried about my colleagues’ reactions, but I knewmy decision. I wrote to them from the heart, and I gave six months’ notice to smooth the transition. Know that your colleagues are going to be gracious and gener- ous and a bit envious, and more supportive than you might imag- ine, even if you surprise them. I am so grateful for the kind and generous replies I received. Yes, there was one significant effort to talk me out of my decision. And that conversation was cordial, thoughtful and unconvincing. CourtesyofDeanJ.Haas