The Foreign Service Journal, June 2009

72 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / J U N E 2 0 0 9 • Write your essay before the start of senior year. Even if your chosen colleges haven’t made their applications avail- able yet, you can still compose at least a rough draft of your essay. That’s because many colleges, as well as the Com- mon Application (www.commonapp.org) , give you a choice of several essay topics, including “Write on a topic of your choice” or “Write about an experience that changed you.” Get the essay done by the end of summer, before life gets hectic in the fall of senior year. • Show, don’t tell. Do not simply assert, “I am a very cre- ative person.” Your reader will not trust you. In contrast, describing your experience painting a landscape in south- ern Greece, for example, by evoking sounds, sights, smells, the sun filtering through the fields and the feel of the brush in your hand, will show how creative you are without your ever using that adjective. • Turn any anecdote into something compelling by writ- ing descriptively, deeply and with purpose. An essay on a seemingly innocuous subject like raking leaves with your fa- ther could go in any number of directions: capturing a peaceful moment after a tumultuous year; symbolizing your relationship with your father; or even showing how, for a Foreign Service kid who has always lived in apartment com- plexes, raking leaves is a new and exotic experience. • Grab the reader’s attention in the first sentence or two. The typical admissions reader is overwhelmed by dozens, even hundreds of applications. Consider starting yours with a small, descriptive phrase rather than a blanket state- ment: “I was following a school of silvery fish when I real- ized a large barracuda was following them, too,” rather than, “The day I learned to snorkel was one of the best days of my life.” • Good essays often come full circle. Whether you start your essay describing your first game of chess at age 7 or your latest jazz guitar gig, try to include a reference to it in your conclusion. • Write about something that is not already on your ap- plication. You may have gone on a school trip to the Gala- pagos Islands, but if that will be listed on your application, choose something more illustrative of your character. One of the best essays I ever read was by a student who wrote about a friendship that ended. There were no big, impres- sive words in this essay — it was just a simple tale told in an earnest way. It showed colleges much more than what was listed in his resumé. This applicant — who was not a straight-A student, by the way — was accepted by nearly every college to which he applied. • Your overseas experience is very important, but it does not have to be the main theme. It can serve as a kind of “basso continuo” while another theme is the melody. For example, if you’ve performed in plays wherever you’ve lived, write an essay comparing your different acting expe- riences in different countries. Look for experiences that students who’ve lived in the U.S. all their lives could never have. One of my students wrote about playing on a Bel- gian national sports team — how many college applicants have done that? • Ask someone to look over your essay, but don’t let any- one change your voice. Never submit your essay without having someone — an English teacher, a professional editor or another trusted and objective adult — check it for gram- mar, syntax and spelling issues. But do watch out for peo- ple who want to “fix” everything you wrote — they can edit the life out of your essay. The student I mentioned above was successful because he wrote an essay that was true to who he was. The appli- cation essay is your chance to show colleges who you are, and, in fact, they really do want to know. But the applica- tion process is not just about making them want you — it’s also about choosing the school that is the “right fit” for you. So be yourself. ■ T IPS ON W RITING A C OLLEGE A DMISSIONS E SSAY F OREIGN S ERVICE KIDS HAVE A DISTINCT ADVANTAGE IN CRAFTING THEIR COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAYS . B Y F RANCESCA K ELLY Francesca Kelly is the Journal ’s AFSA News Editor and, in her spare time, coaches students on their college application essays. She worked as a high school guidance counselor while overseas. S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT